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LiveJournal for foster-child of silence and slow time.

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Thursday, August 2nd, 2007

(1 chose garbage disposal unit | choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:It Can't All Be Wedding Cake, It Can't All Be Boiled Away
Time:12:57 pm.
Mood:will not survive.
rationalromantc

Monday, May 7th, 2007

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:Let Not Your Tongue Cut Your Throat
Time:8:16 am.
It is becoming more and more apparent that this ship I jumped onto more than a year ago was a sinking one. There's nothing much left except the mast and the few kids still holding on.

The water is up to my ears.

Monday, April 30th, 2007

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:The More Discreet, The Harder To Control
Time:12:39 pm.
There is no greater power then that which comes with being a pretty girl.

Saturday, March 24th, 2007

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:And Our Story Begins on that Most Joyful Day...
Time:8:20 pm.
Mood:kid gloves.
10 days back in LA
≈ 240 hours
≈ 14400 minutes
2 shows
1 cavity
5 packs of cigarettes
12 cocktails
2 bottles of wine
5 vicodin pills
1 oil change
2 bars
1 job offer
1 apartment to sublet from may to august
1 boyfriend to convince to move with me
4 new friends
2 dinners with mom
1 eye appointment
1 facial
1 hat
4 dresses
3 tops
2 skirts
1 pair of shorts
4 loads of laundry
1 yoga class
3 sushi places
2 late night IM conversations with Andy
9 late night phone calls with Steve
8 mornings waking up alone (i slept over at Lauren's one night)
1 girls night
1 book
1 conversation with my dad
2 paintings donated by Lauren
2 days in Santa Barbara
3 celebrity sightings
1 burger king commercial filmed at my house
lots of time with emily
lots of time at the cafe
lots of tivo
lots of amy winehouse
lots of lcd soundsystem
too many hours driving
too many hours driving in traffic
too much money spent on gas

one girl whose happy to be back in santa cruz
one girl who misses LA
(hint: it's the same girl)

thank god i'm not bitter or the fact that Aurora (sleeping beauty) was sixteen when she met her prince charming would make me sick. ok so it took me 3 more years. at least i didn't have to prick my finger.

Friday, March 16th, 2007

(2 chose garbage disposal units | choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:If History Has Taught Us Anything It's That You're Always Wrong
Time:7:54 pm.
Mood:rise to the level.
What now? What do I do now?

Wednesday, February 14th, 2007

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:Swooned, Kvelled, and Plotzed
Time:7:52 pm.
Mood:patent.

Monday, December 4th, 2006

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:Everything Good And Bad Left An Emptiness When It Stopped
Time:10:43 pm.
Mood:never more truthful.
You'd be surprised how comfortable the road to hell can be.

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:Ought To Know Which Way She's Going, Even If She Doesn't Know Her Own Name!
Time:4:38 pm.
Mood:the house of tweedledee.
I had a dream last night that there was a parade going on in Santa Cruz. The floats were all grotesque characateurs of the personalities you find on Pacific. I was sitting in the shade under a big tree and four of my friends from home came up, mostly friends from junior high. I took them around the town and with each person we ran into it became more and more like Alice and Wonderland. There was the caterpillar, the chesire cat, the mad hatter, the duchess, the queen of hearts (in my dream it was the jack of hearts). Each character was one of my friends and though no one acted too out of character the parallels were hardly subtle. The white rabbit was there, but much less elusive. It was still mysterious but it was practically chasing me begging me to solve the mystery. It ended with the sound of me getting a phone call which woke me up.

It's a huge game of chess that's being played, though of course I should like to be a Queen, best, I began to remember I was a Pawn, and that it would soon be time for me to move.

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

(1 chose garbage disposal unit | choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:I Was The Fool Beside You For Too Long
Time:8:21 pm.
Mood:on the beam.
i told her never to treat him like that again. i made her promise both of us.

she wouldn't have remembered if i hadn't told her.
she wouldn't have apologized if i hadn't said she should.
she wouldn't have done anything if i hadn't' made her.

and it's not the first time, it's not the first person.

i'm feel so invisible, i feel like my mother.
the worrying and caring and the lack of
i can't help but try to help.

but i was talking to lauren today and we came up with a plan.
i can't stop helping but i can start helping people who actually want it.


i'll be home tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 1st, 2006

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:The Doctor Is In. Psychiatric Help 5 Cents.
Time:8:50 pm.
Mood:mine all mine.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

my mom came into town. she asked me what i had been up to. after ten minutes she stopped me. she said "we can talk about what your friends are doing later, what have you been doing?" i couldn't answer.

when did I become Lucy from the peanut comics?

Friday, October 20th, 2006

(1 chose garbage disposal unit | choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:Right Across America I Will Call, If Call I Must Do To Take My Love, My Love To You
Time:11:32 pm.
Mood:ready to go out.
I'm not one of those people who considers making drama something to do during free hours. In fact I consider keeping out of drama something to do. Finding myself in the middle of a dramatic situation I am completely miserable. I read enough gossip magazines to understand that drama is something that people create when they are bored (and have too much money according to In Touch and Us Weekly). I need people to stop dragging me into things.

I tried last time but next time he needs to just let me beat him up and get this over with.

I just want to listen to stories and tell them. I don't want to be a part of it, unless it's the great American novel.

And off I go... another party, another situation to stay out of.

Friday, October 13th, 2006

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:A Little Self Control
Time:7:49 pm.
Mood:ready to go.
I'm not best friends with Ana but whenever my life feels out of control I tend to cozy up to her. Now I just feel dizzy and tired. 2-4-6-8.

I'm going out tonight.

Thursday, October 12th, 2006

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:I Love You
Time:5:48 am.
Mood:dizzy and tired.
three words
eight letters
one meaning


when I was a kid and all the girls my age were in love with one of the Hanson brothers or some guy from a boy band, I had a crush on Thom Yorke. something about the twitchy eye that hinted to the psychosis inside.

Tuesday, October 10th, 2006

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:You Should Be Hated Here
Time:3:30 am.
Mood:in a cannon at the circus.
today i lived the sweet life.
my dreams have been so good recently, full of scandal and swindle.
three more days and i'm throwing myself back into the pool with lousiana acid kings, rock star actors, intellectuals who weld and anarchists with sweet smiles.
time to bring some of that scandal to my waking life.

Saturday, October 7th, 2006

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:Another Year I Claim Of Total Indifference
Time:5:24 am.
Mood:not much different.
I hate to make a Sex & The City reference but it's very fitting. There is one episode where Carrie's boyfriend breaks up with her and that night she goes out with her friends in hopes that something will happen so she won't have to remember that day as the day she was dumped. She ends up almost getting arrested for smoking pot and that day becomes "the day i got arrested for smoking a doobie". That was me tonight, or last night I guess it would be now. If it hadn't been my birthday I would be completely content staying home but the idea of looking back on it and not having a good story was enough to make me get out of the house. I'm glad I did because I had a really good time. When the clock hit midnight and it was no longer my birthday I could breathe a sigh of relief. Nineteen is a silly age anyways.

Tuesday, September 19th, 2006

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:Here's A Little Thing That's Gonna Please You, It's Just A Little Town Down In Indonesia
Time:1:51 pm.
Mood:street food.
Maybe i'm just killing time until the day I'm at a phone booth somewhere in West Java, with one hand over the ear not pressed against the reciever, trying to block out the noise of Adu Domba play behind me as I balance a paper package full of nasi goreng on my suitcase and leave a loaded message on the voice mail of my boring, bourgeois, unresponse Wall-Street husband, "I'm not coming back, I'm an ex-pat now. I'm sorry but I will never leave Indonesia."

Or maybe it's this fever and all the Travel Channel I've been watching as I wait to feel better.

Thursday, September 7th, 2006

(2 chose garbage disposal units | choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:Just Think Of All The Things We Could Do To Pass The Time, It's A Walk In The Park, It Goes Na Na Na
Time:10:35 pm.
Mood:pieces of people.
I hate it when people put up their dumb conversations with friends. This conversation is not dumb, well yes it is.

me: ok so getting a plant, good idea? bad idea?
jordan: yes very good idea
me: i think a good one. so that other people can see how my mental health is based on the plant
jordan: very zen like and gives you subconcious company
me: score. ok, plant it is then.
jordan: i recommend a potted banana tree they are really cool. they will get just tall enough too
me: i'm thinking a hanging plant. i need it to grow down 'cause i'm putting it on a shelf that's really high up
jordan: ooooo you should totally go carnivorous. i used to have one in my shower and you can stick a pinky finger down in the bulb and they close on you and it tickles
me: that's scary i might freak out
jordan: you could just do a fern they are nice
me: yeah i dunno. i gotta look around a little. do some selective plant shopping. can't be rushed on these type of things
jordan: its kinda like a cat, except it's a plant. you gotta find the one that blinks weird
me: i think you just figured me out.

i think so at least.

Thursday, August 31st, 2006

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:You Know I Cherish You My Loves
Time:9:19 pm.
Mood:boys in the band.
around my friends i tend to feel inferior,
but i really don't mind, i prefer it.
i'm the one trading up.
i'm the lucky one.

Wednesday, August 30th, 2006

(2 chose garbage disposal units | choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:You Always Have A New Bubble To Blow
Time:8:27 pm.
Mood:merrier.
I took a day trip to watch a piece of metal go through lauren's skin. I came back with a killer hair cut and half a pack of cigarettes. It was a good day even if I hit traffic on the way back to LA.

Sunday, August 27th, 2006

(choose between love and a garbage disposal unit)

Subject:One Day I'll Be On Time
Time:3:13 pm.
Mood:get me away from here.
i'm really tired of thwarting advances for no good reason. i'm really tired of being put in situations where i have to thwart advances for no good reason. i really am tired of dating/being around/flirting with 29-38 year olds. i'm really tired of realizing that the babies in diaper ads will one day be my competition. i'm really sick of thinking about how he's only 23, doesn't care about much and makes me fumble over my words. i'm really sick of knowing he's 100 ft away but i'm too scared to drop by unannounced. i'm really sick of waiting for him to drop by unannounced. i'm really sick of thinking about his laughter lines. i'm really sick of pretending i don't know who he is. i'm really sick of knowing that i'm not ready for this even though it will never happen.

a record contract, a nice house in silverlake, cool boots, hipster clout, when did these stop impressing me?

well thank god they did.
i just want to get back to santa cruz.

LiveJournal for foster-child of silence and slow time.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.